No one wants to experience the profound emotional upheaval that comes with loss. Martin Prechtel, indigenous author and storyteller, speaks of grief as the experience of having loved and lost someone, someplace, or something. In a culture that doesn’t allow grief to be publicly displayed many of us end up holding wells of loss inside us that bring us to our knees without anyone knowing we suffer quietly and try to find a way through.
Martin tells a story about grief as a canoe that carries our loved ones to a place of peace. He speaks of how we honor those we have lost because our grief is actually praise for what we loved and is now gone. He gives Grief a place in our lives, even if we have no community to witness the depths of our bereavement.
He suggests two things to accompany us on our path of grieving:
1. Go to a place bigger than yourself, such as the ocean or the mountains. Offer them a gift of a stone or Tabaco or a flower. Speak your grief uninterruptedly, even if you cry, wail, rage, or moan. Continue until you are spent.
2. Take a trusted friend to witness you and care for you. We do not always have access to someone who will be a neutral witness, but if you do, bring them. They can keep their distance and watch over you. The will not offer advice or comfort, but simply be nearby to pick you up and help you back home when you have exhausted yourself.
I’ve had a lot to grieve in my life but it hasn’t been until recently that I’ve had access to the full range of feeling that comes with utter loss. On one hand, it is completely debilitating and makes me wonder how people could actually survive in this society if they let themselves go all the way down. On the other hand, when I scrape myself off the floor, spent from hours of soul-wracking sobs, I feel clear somehow, as if my pain and longing have alchemized a bit of the darkness into a space where something can grow.
